It's called the black and white world of borderline personality disorder. The feelings are like a daily roller coaster ride, in which the person concerned suffers extremely. He is trapped in himself and his thoughts. The project came about during the intensive accompaniment through everyday life with this disease.
As we sat on the floor, little light entered the small room, which had long been left to its own devices. The bottles are empty, the ashtray full - the last puff on the cigarette seems endless. In the midst of the silence, the emotional world is like a rollercoaster ride that you can't bring to a standstill. The hatred against oneself goes so far that one tries again and again to hurt oneself. Tears of desperation and fear drip onto the fresh wounds. A blank look at the floor, your body is shaking, it's getting cold.
"You know, sometimes I just want to die. I just want to be loved just the way I am. Soon I'll be alone again like I've always been. Then you can't stand me anymore. It's broken, I can't do it anymore, I want to die, it should stop - this pain should stop. They don't know what it's like when you're always trying to get love but it's not enough because you are who you are. These thoughts that clench, get tighter and tighter until nothing works anymore. Everything around me becomes dim, I get tired, more depressed and when something negative comes along, it robs me of my strength and nerves. These feelings hurt - like you're burning up inside and then your heart beats really fast."
The photos show a world of emotions from which those affected by mental illness suffer enormously. The photos were taken over a period of two years, during intensive care and the confrontation with emotions and feelings. Two years full of changes and patience, two year full of ups and downs and above all two years of deep intimacy - without which these photos would never have been taken.